Temper Tantrums

I’ve decided that most human beings are programmed to start tantrumming around age 2 and–after a period of tantrum decline–ramp up again every decade or so thereafter (i.e., around 12ish, around 20ish, around 30ish, and so forth). I firmly believe that what most of these tantrums are about is the constant push and pull between staying the same and changing. Something deep within us yearns to both cling to our younger selves and to mature…to stay where it’s safe and boldly go where we’ve never gone before.

At 2, part of us wants to be a baby…to be held and cuddled and comforted forever…part of us wants to be independent and separate. At 12, part of us wants desperately to continue pleasing our parents…part of us wants to garner the favor of friends. In our late teens/early 20s, we still want access to mom and dad’s checkbook but we want to make our own decisions, live by our own rules. At 30, we still want to look like we did at 20…have that energy, that body…but we wonder why we haven’t yet accomplished every single one of our “important” goals (e.g., finishing school, making babies, buying our dream house, REALLY making it!, etc.).

And so…at 41…here I sit in the wake of my latest tantrum…fighting ferociously against the inevitable sag and lines that are indicative of 4 decades of (sometimes hard) living while still trying to enjoy tea with my blissfully-aging inner yogi. I’ve done much pondering about what kind of mark I’m supposed to be leaving on the world. I’m pushing and pulling between the woman I want to be now and the woman I want to become before I die…preserving all that has come before while laying the foundation for continued possibilities. As I desperately grab the hands of both my younger and older selves…terrified to let go of either one…I hope that the people I love will forgive the occasional tantrum and will have the good grace to just ignore me until I calm down, figure it out, and move on.

Stephen Colbert on Gun Control

It takes a special kind of genius to simultaneously cause both laughter and deep thought about the most serious of topics. This is perhaps the best piece on gun control I’ve seen yet. Thank you, Stephen for–once again–explaining it all in a way that everyone can appreciate and understand. Stephen Colbert on Gun Control

2013 Oscars: A Few Thoughts About Gender and What’s NOT Funny

I have been quite surprised by the amount of serious debate and discussion that has been sparked by something as light and fluffy as the Oscars. Who knew that this annual glitter fest would ignite so much passion about gender inequity? When a friend posted this thoughtful article, it resonated with me. I re-posted said article and have been gratefully surprised by the conversation that have ensued…the personal realizations that have resulted. So…here are my thoughts…

While the old adage: “It’s funny because it’s TRUE!” may accurately describe many topics, there are so many issues that I have difficulty thinking of as “funny.” For example, I think I’d be hard pressed to laugh at any joke about starving children, rape, or genocide. Some of life’s truths are just too painful to be funny. Thanks to the thoughtful discussions prompted by Seth MacFarlane’s performance at the Oscars this week, I think I will be adding “misogyny” to the list of topics that I personally find very unfunny.

First, let me state that I DON’T hate Seth MacFarlane. I think “Family Guy” is nothing short of genius. Having said this…I DON’T think that his jokes about women’s breasts, mistreatment by boyfriends, eating disorders, and men dating inappropriately young girls were funny or appropriate. I think these things very sadly represent how devalued women STILL are in many segments of our society.

Because I grew up in a home where women where shushed when the game was on, where I was told over and over that only men should be in positions of authority–it’s hard for me not to take stuff like this to heart. I spent too much of my life struggling to find my worth, to believe that I deserve equality and respect. So I apologize if I’m just not able to “lighten up” and laugh along on this particular occasion.

As the mother of two boys, I take very seriously my responsibility to teach them that women are humans with hearts and brains to be valued rather than empty vessels to be objectified. There are many things in the world that are TRUE but (at least in my opinion) are NOT funny. I guess the objectification of women and jokes about said objectification are categorized–at least in MY brain–as “NOT FUNNY.” Because I believe in democracy, it’s truly OK with me if others don’t share my opinion. I fully recognize that my reaction is coming from a very deep personal place. I hope that those who don’t agree can see where I’m coming from and perhaps even believe that my perspective is legitimate–even if they don’t happen to share it.

I HEART Davis!

If ever you wonder why I love my quirky little town so much, just take a look at this vintage Daily Show video. Sure, there are many reasons to love a bicycle-friendly city with over 50 miles of greenbelt, with a highly educated populous…a place that breeds both the famous and imfamous. Still, nothing quite sums up this little town I call home quite like the Daily Show and Stephen Colbert.

Ah…Paris…

I’ve been thinking a lot today about our family’s first and only trans-Atlantic trip to date. It’s been almost 2 years since we spent 11 days in and around Paris, visiting friends and seeing the many wonderful sights of one of the world’s most beautiful cities. Here’s a synopsis I wrote when we returned…

While our trip got off to a bumpy start, we returned home feeling that—good and bad—we would repeat the entire experience over again in a heartbeat if we had the chance.

The funky start to our trip actually began a couple of days before our departure when Boris fell off the couch and bumped is head good on our hardwood floor. The subsequent trip to the ER revealed that—while his head was fine—the rash around his mouth was in fact impetigo. We started the application of antibiotic cream and crossed our fingers that we wouldn’t need to give him ingestible (potentially horrible side-effect producing) antibiotics.

Further complicating our departure—the night before we left, Chris started feeling the rumblings of the stomach flu. I sent him to bed early and hoped that he just eaten something funny. Unfortunately, in the middle of our 10 hour flight, his symptoms worsened and he spent much of the flight in the latrine. As an added bonus, just as I was drifting off to sleep, Boris (who apparently caught Chris’ stomach bug) threw up all over me, all over himself, and all over our seat. Since Chris was “in dispose” and Oscar was asleep next to me, it was a bit of a juggling act to get everything/everyone cleaned up and settled back down. Needless to say, my mommy instincts kicked in and I didn’t sleep a wink for the duration of the flight.

Once we landed in Paris (exhausted, jetlagged, and smelling of vomit), it took an additional 4-5 hours to make it through customs, retrieve our bags, trek to the train, and make it to our friends’ house in the bitterly cold Paris suburbs. So one day of our trip was lost to travel and we burned through an additional day just recovering and sleeping off the jetlag. Just as Chris and I were starting to feel ready for action, Oscar caught the stomach flu and spent a day alternating between sleep and vomit. Meanwhile—despite the application of antibiotic cream, the rash around Boris’ mouth was worsening AND he fell down the stairs at our friends’ house and bumped his head a second time.

On the fourth day of our trip, everyone finally seemed well enough to attempt the hour-long train ride back into Paris. We got a late start but enjoyed exploring the area around the Paris Opera House. We found a really cool playground at the foot of a very old and beautiful church and let the boys play and blow off some steam. Sometime during the day, we noticed that Boris’ nose had begun to run and we speculated that he picked up a cold on the flight.

Within 24 hours, Boris was wheezing and struggling to breathe. Although we had brought his inhalers, we left the nebulizer at home and had no choice but to head to the ER for some breathing treatments. Thank goodness my good friend Claire was with me throughout the ordeal to translate! While at the ER, an x-ray revealed that Boris had bronchitis and would need a full regimen of antibiotics, steroids, and breathing treatments. Sometime during his third breathing treatment, Boris decided that he had had ENOUGH and the full force of his almost two-ness was unleashed. He tantrummed like I have never seen him tantrum before. He was completely inconsolable for about 15 minutes…a pattern which we saw repeated on several occasions in the days that followed. On the bright side, the antibiotics cleared up his impetigo.

Since our ER visit nixed our planned trip to Versailles, we settled for a late afternoon walk in the forest near our friends’ house in Burs sur Yvette. Oscar and his friend, Maya had fun hiking and helping to build a lean-to with some other kids we came upon in the forest. 

On the sixth day of our trip, the antibiotics had kicked in and we were guardedly optimistic that everyone was FINALLY ready for some adventures. We visited the Centre d’ Pompidou (Museum of Modern Art) and went to the circus (Cirque d’ Hiver). Both were AMAZING. This particular circus has been produced by the same family in Paris since the 1930s. It featured a lion tamer, amazing acrobats, a phenomenal tightrope act, some hilarious clowns, a live orchestra, and jugglers. The amphitheater was all red and velvet and had a romantic, old-world feel. We all had a blast! The night was topped off by a delicious pizza dinner en route back to the Metro. The next day, we made it to Notre Dame and the boys took a ride on the carousel outside the Hotel de Ville (where the mayor and city offices are housed).

Sometime during our first few days in France, Chris made contact with one of the foreign exchange students (Gaelle) that lived with his family many years ago. Gaelle and her husband, Giuaum (spelling?) live in the heart of Paris with their three-year-old daughter, Nina. As luck would have it, Gaelle is pregnant with twins and had just been placed on maternity leave (in France you get 6 weeks before your due date for each child…meaning Gaelle gets 12 weeks). Since Nina is in school during the day, Gaelle was free to hang out. She graciously invited us to stay with her for a few days so that we could be closer to the action. This was an offer we couldn’t refuse…especially since we had burned through so much of our vacation time being sick! We planned to head to her apartment on the eighth day of our vacation and spent the seventh day visiting the Eiffel Tower and having a goodbye dinner with our very gracious first hosts (Abdul, Claire, and Maya). It was so great to see them and we regretted that so much of our time was tainted by sickness. We felt especially horrible that when we left for Gaelle’s, Claire had caught Boris’ cold and Maya had a touch of the stomach flu. Oy! We are the WORST house guests ever! We hope we can make it up to them soon.

FINALLY feeling 100% ready to take full advantage of Paris, we spent the last couple days of our vacation making up for lost time. We saw the Arc de Triumphe, Hotel des Invalides/Napoleon’s Tomb, Musee Rodin, Musee d’ Orsay, the Louvre, Champs Elysees, the Conciergerie (where Marie Antoinette lived/was imprisoned before her unfortunate end), Sainte-Chapelle (an amazing church that was built in the 1200s and 1300s. It features the most beautiful stained glass I have ever seen), and Musee du quai Branly (African and Asian Art). We also took a boat ride down the Seine. Highlights for Chris and I included seeing amazing art and architecture unlike anywhere else in the world. Highlights for Oscar and Boris included riding on the moving walkways in the Metro and airports and seeing the “army guys” that patrol the major monuments and Metro stops to prevent terrorist attacks. On one occasion, we even got to see them blow up a strange package! (Scary for us, thrilling for the boys.)

Shortly before departing for our trip, I came across some happiness research that indicates the happiness gained from the acquisition of things—if you’re lucky—only lasts about 9 months. The stuff gets old, you get used to having it, take it for granted, etc. In contrast, the happiness gained from experiences never wanes. Memories can always be retrieved to elicit (almost) the same joy as the original marvelous experience. Our trip to Paris did much to solidify this concept for me. Even with the hardships, I was left feeling that if I have to budget, live in a small house and drive an old car forever, I’ll do it if it means that I’ll have some expendable income to create memories like the ones we just had in Paris. Yesterday, we were at Costco and Oscar spotted a picture of the Eiffel Tower. “Look, Mama!,” he said very excitedly, “The Eiffel Tower.” “That’s right, baby,” I said. Inside, I was thinking how great it is that now, the Eiffel Tower isn’t just an iconic picture to Oscar but an experience he can retrieve and relive forever. Hopefully, this is just the beginning of turning many more of the world’s wonders into fantastic memories for my boys. Vive la France!

Comic Book Mama Encourages Davis to Vote YES on Measure I

I voted “YES!” on Measure I. Water rates are going up either way, Davis…whether it’s to pay back fines for cleanup efforts related to the disgusting quality of our current water (which is classified as “waste water” when it leaves our homes given the high concentration of contaminants including arsenic) or to pay for building a cleaner water infrastructure for the future. I, for one think that we owe it to future generations to think about where we’re going and pony up for a clean, sustainable water future. If you live in Davis and agree, get those ballots in by March 5th!

Tie the Knot!

If you’re looking for an AWESOME, UNIQUE gift idea for the men (or women who can rock men’s attire) in your life, you LOVE to look fashionable and support marriage equality, consider a gift/gift certificate from Tie the Knot. Proceeds benefit efforts to MAKE MARRIAGE EQUAL for ALL AMERICANS. This foundation was started by Jesse Tyler Ferguson (of Modern Family) and his fiancée, Justin Mikita. In addition to awesome attire, there are hilarious videos on the site to enjoy. It’s worth checking out–even if you’re not in the market to purchase something.

Do We Have the Courage?

When feeling overwhelmed by what happened in Newtown, Connecticut…guilty for feeling any amount of happiness when so many had their happiness stolen forever…hopeless because I wouldn’t even know where to begin to articulate what I think needs to be done or how I can help…angry when I saw suggestions by the NRA and others that MORE guns are the solution, I read this article. It didn’t make me feel less sad but it did make me feel comforted to see practical, data-driven solutions so exquisitely articulated. It gave me hope that—if only the right people are willing to listen and act—something CAN be done to curb the craziness. I think every American should read and share this article…especially those who are in positions to legislate some change.

Two Tales of Secrets

In recent months, I have read two historical novels centered around secrets and the Second World War. The first is “Sarah’s Key” by Tatiana de Rosnay.  The second is “The Secret Keeper” by Kate Morton. Both books are structured so that modern-day women are delving into the secrets of the past, trying to make sense of said secrets, and right the wrongs of the past. “Sarah’s Key” centers around the Vel d’Hiv Roundup of Jewish citizens in 1942 France. “The Secret Keeper” takes place in and around London, dealing extensively with the 1941 London bombing raids. Both books were well worth the read. While “The Secret Keeper” took a little longer to grab my attention, once it hooked me, there was no putting it down. The twists and turns at the end more than made up for the slow start. Both books left me thinking about the past…about how important it is to learn lessons from those who came before and how it’s never too late to try to make things right.

Vegas Baby!/Moms on the Loose!

When a friend is turning 40 and she’s never been to Vegas, it’s sort of an obligation to accompanying her on her maiden voyage. I know, I know. I’m not supposed to tell what went on during our in in Sin City. However, our adventures were just too marvelous NOT to share.

Nancy and I arrived Friday after a turbulent and scary flight that included an attempted/aborted landing and the pilot turning the plane sideways for a bit over Lake Mead. Needless to say, we were holding hands, very grateful to land, and ready for cocktails. Since we knew Merry would be arriving ready to party on Saturday morning, we decided to take it kind of easy Friday night so that we’d be raring to go too. We walked around a bit, had appetizers and cocktails, saw the water show at the Bellagio, did some shopping, got our picture taken with Batman and Joker, and rounded out the night with food and cocktails at the Sugar Factory inside Paris.

Saturday morning, we did a short run in the freezing cold (the high was about 40 degrees each day we were there) on the strip. Afterward, Nancy very astutely noticed that we could hang out in the spa all day for just $45! The spa has several different pools of varying temperatures, a hot tub, a dry sauna, an herbal steam sauna, and an arctic room. There was also complimentary fruit, water, juice, coffee, and tea. The showers were stocked with awesome spa products and the area just outside the showers had a potpourri of styling products, blow dryers, curling irons, THE WORKS! After a bit in the spa, I left Nancy to relax and went to pick up Merry from the airport. Nancy took a lunch break from her spa-ing and we had a delicious lunch inside Paris. After lunch, we returned to the spa with Merry and soaked and steamed until it was time to get ready for “O.”

“O” was AMAZING…beautiful, mesmerizing, hypnotic. After the show, we drove the strip, got our picture at the historic Las Vegas sign, checked out the Artisan Hotel, shopped a bit, grabbed a bite, and got ready to get our groove on. We hit the club (“Pure” inside Caesar’s Palace where we were staying) and did our best to blend in with the mostly 20-somethings. I had to tell a few poor little boys that I was probably old enough to be their Mama. Merry got a good laugh when I asked one poor guy if he’d like to see a picture of my kids. Merry said that she felt tempted to tell a few guys that she pushed three human heads out of her vagina. Poor guys. They were trying so hard and some of them seemed very nice.

After dancing, we went to an all-night café and shared a couple of very decedent desserts. While lamenting that we wished we could find a place to dance that was for the over-25 crowd, our waiter tipped us off to the fact that there’s an 80s Flashback club inside the Venetian. We’ll definitely be checking that out next time! At around 3 AM, we headed upstairs to catch some zzzs.

Sunday morning, Nancy and I woke WAY before Merry and tiptoed out to walk portions of the strip we hadn’t yet explored. We saw bits of The Cosmopolitan and New York, NY. Afterward, we hit the buffet at Caesar’s for one last bit of hedonism and infusion of calories before catching our plane. Exhausted and satiated, we bid our adieus to Sin City and Merry (who was flying out later on a plane bound for SF).

I look forward to many more adventures with Nancy and Merry and all the other fabulous peeps I am lucky enough to call “Friend.” Thanks, Vegas!